Monday, April 23, 2018

They say that all things happen for a reason....

     I'm not really sure where to start here but in the past when something has happened it has always helped me to write about it. If you've ever read my pregnancy blog posts then this post will make a lot more sense but if not feel free to go check them out HERE (Colin's story) and HERE (Skylar's story). If you don't feel like going back to read then no worries.
      Let's just say that my pregnancies are horrible and dangerous and because of that Alex and I decided to take all necessary steps to prevent it from ever happening again. Plus, let me just be honest and say that I'm at my limit with three kids. They keep us pretty busy!! The day after Skylar was born (it'll be 5 years on May 10th!) I had a tubal ligation done. The doctor cut a section out of each of my tubes and voila! No more possibilities for pregnancy. Or so we thought....

     A couple of weeks ago I started not feeling well and I thought nothing of it at first because I can't get pregnant but after it persisted I went ahead and took a test to "rule it out". Not the first time I've done this and not the first time I was shocked to see it turn POSITIVE (remember that Skylar is an IUD baby). The next week was spent going to the dr multiple times for blood tests and while I was in fact pregnant, my hcg levels were dropping which indicates an impending miscarriage. This week I will be having surgery to have both tubes completely removed and also a D&C if necessary. 

    I have gone through every emotion possible for the past couple of weeks: shock, anger, sadness, impending doom, hope, relief, more sadness and a million others that I don't even have words for. It's confusing to find out you're pregnant with a baby you never planned to have and then find out soon after that it isn't going to be viable after all. I still have some pregnancy symptoms, though today I've noticed some improvement, and my brain is so overwhelmed and confused. 
 I'm sharing this because it really helps me to talk about it and process it all and because my friends and family who do know have really helped make this bearable for me. I can't imagine going through all of this alone. It's way too much to handle. 

    I really wish I knew the reason for all of this. Maybe one day I will, or maybe not.... What I do know is that I've got an amazing husband, 3 amazing kids, family and the best doctor and friends that I could ever hope for. 

   That's pretty much it. On Wednesday my dr will look at my tubes during surgery to see how they magically reconnected themselves or whatever. I'm quite curious to hear and if he finds anything I'll post an update once I'm up to it. 

   Maybe I'll be better about blogging again but let's face it - I've got 3 kids and a giant Great Dane puppy so it's probably not likely 😏

*UPDATE* Surgery went well yesterday. I'm pretty sore but it's bearable. When my doctor did my first tubal he removed about 3 centimeters from each side. Upon close examination he found that my left tube managed to create a channel and reconnect itself. He took pictures and gave them to me but I'll spare you from those. :) This is an extremely rare occurrence and all of nurses and anesthesiologists had something to say about it since they had never seen this happen with the kind of tubal that I had. Now I have no tubes at all on either side so there is nothing to grow back and I will not get pregnant ever again. I'm thankful to have the surgery done so I can start the healing process (physically and emotionally) and move on. Thank you for all of the thoughts and prayers!

*UPDATE - one week post op* Well this past week has gone really fast thankfully! Physically I'm healing really well and was really only sore for the first few days. Honestly most of the soreness was in my ribs and shoulder from the lovely gas they pump you full of during laparoscopic surgery. I'm still in disbelief that all of this happened and I'm pretty sure my hormones are still a little crazy. I'll blame my moods on that anyway just because I can. I've been walking at least 3.5 miles a day since day 4 and that's been going well so hopefully I can get back to the gym soon. I was just cleared to go back to the gym before all of this happened so it’s frustrating! In the mean time I figure between the walking and my blood thinner injections I have a great chance of not having any DVTs again. On that note, Colin has been helping give my Lovenox injections and he LOVES it. I'm not sure if I should be proud or worried that he likes stabbing me so much lol.

Right now I'm switching my focus to Skylar's 5th birthday which is in ONE WEEK!!! How is that even possible? I have yet to plan a birthday party or anything yet so I'd better get right on that... This is probably the last update I'll do on this unless something interesting happens at my post op next week. 

Saturday, January 10, 2015

I know I've said it before but...

I really am going to try to keep up with my blog better from now on. Not for other people but for myself and for the kids. I want to print out my posts so they can go back and read them one day. Life is so busy that I forget too many things if I don't write them down and I don't want that to happen!! So here I am - wish me luck!! 

I'll just call this my New Years resolution even though typically don't like them 😊

Cute picture just because... 

Happy 3rd birthday Colin!!

How has it been 3 years already! Happy birthday sweet Colin! 

I remember the first time I saw your sweet face and then held you in the NICU. You were so tiny and so perfect!! Now you're a big boy talking and learning to potty train. Hard to believe that in just a year and a half you will start preschool. Love you little buddy!! 

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

One Year...

One year ago today

I had one of the most (mentally) difficult days I have ever experienced. I was feeling nauseated which is something I wish I never had to feel again and I decided to take a pregnancy test to "put my mind at ease". Well we all know how that worked out!! I was in shock and I LOST IT!! Alex was at work, Aidan was at his Maia's house, and I was home alone with 9 month old Colin. Thankfully a good friend stayed online to talk to me and try to calm me down for an hour and a half until Alex was home from work. 

I remember feeling shock (I had an IUD in, I should not have been pregnant!). I remember feeling guilt that Colin was so young still and I didn't know if/how I'd be able to care for him if I had hyperemesis again. I remember feeling terrified of going through another pregnancy, and so many other things too. I didn't even register the fact that I was going to have a baby - all I could think about is that I did not want to be pregnant. Even though I wasn't thinking about the baby at the end I do remember one of the first things Alex said was, "we are going to have THREE kids"! Haha, men. 

Now here we are one year later and we did it! I survived 207 days of being nauseated and throwing up, weeks of not being able to really eat or drink anything at all, a 20 pound weight loss, over 500 painful blood thinner injections in my stomach, three picc lines, daily Iv hydration and meds, preterm labor, the flu at 27 weeks, a 34 week birth, and a 12 day NICU stay. Now we have a daughter we never thought we would have and my boys were well loved by our families even when I wasn't able to be there for them and these are the most important things! 

I'm not completely better even though I'm no longer pregnant. If only it were that easy! I still have a lot of anxiety, my stomach is sensitive, I have awful nightmares, and the most random things will send me into a panic attack but I know all of these things will get better with time. I have been using exercise as my outlet and it really seems to help. I notice a big increase in anxiety when I miss a few days of working out. For right now working out is my anti anxiety "drug" and I hope to keep it that way. 

A lot of people have asked me if it (hyperemesis) was "worth it" and I guess it depends on a person's definition of the phrase. I usually say "yes" because that is what I am expected to say but it's more complicated than that. It definitely isn't worth it to me to get pregnant again to have another baby but if you ask me if I would do it again for Colin and Skylar the answer would be absolutely 100 times YES! I would do anything in the world for my kids. I'm just glad that my pregnancy with Skylar was a surprise because even though I wasn't sure I was done having kids before her, I never would have been able to choose to go through hyperemesis again... Ever. 

I am so amazed that something so so ugly (hyperemesis) can result in something so extremely beautiful. Here is my tougHGuy Colin and my tougHGirl Skylar. 


I am so thankful for all of the people that were there for us during the past two years - family, friends, my doctor, nurses (that became my friends!), and just everyone who had a hand in making sure we were taken care of. I don't know where we would have been without all of the support!! 

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

What happens in Kindergarten...

This is Aidan's first week of Kindergarten and although a bit nervous about it he was also very excited. My mom and I (and the babies of course) walked him there for his first day and he did really well. Went right into his classroom, found his desk, and said goodbye to me. No kisses for me in the school because that would be WAY too embarrassing. 
This kid has grown up way too fast!

I decided after walking that first morning that I would be driving for now until the weather is cooler. 100* + temperatures is just way too hot even though the school is less than a mile away. 

After picking him up in the afternoon I was asking him how his day went and he was flipping all over the room. It's like they gave him some Red Bull during snack or something, seriously. Aidan is not generally a hyper kid but I guess sitting still for 6 hours makes him a bit stir crazy.

So, are you ready to hear what is going on in Kindergarten these days?? Well, here is what he told me........

Today when I got to school I was the first kid in my class so my teacher told me to sit at my desk. Then she put me to sleep and inserted a microchip in my neck that programs me to be able to dance. Now I can do the moonwalk*.

*said while doing a very interesting demonstration*

No matter how many times I asked him what he did at school and no matter who asked him, this is the response I got. Wha???? Kids have the wildest imaginations.

The only other thing he has really told me besides the basics about his day is that he had gym the other day and at gym he told the teacher that he thought the boys should all work on their abs by doing sit ups, planks, crunches, and v up roll ups. I wish I could have seen the teachers face when he said that.  

Aidan has now finished 6 days of school and he seems to be enjoying it for the most part. He has had a perfect report every day and has only asked to stay home because he was "sick" once. That little plan didn't work out like he'd planned. Hopefully he continues to do well and we figure out a way to get the ants out of his pants at the end of the day.

Oh yeah, I asked him what he wants to be when he grows up, and he told me he wants to be "a mechanical engineer with abs just like my dad". So there you have it! If you haven't noticed a pattern here, Aidan is recently obsessed with "getting abs" as he puts it. If we tell him that if he eats (insert favorite food here) then he won't be able to have abs, he actually won't eat it. Silly boy...

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Skylar's 1, 2, and 3 Month update

 Life is a little bit busy with two kids that are 15 months apart (imagine that!) so I haven't been able to update my blog until recently but I will cram in three monthly updates at once. These updates are more for me to be able to look back on later anyway because I know that I won't remember anything without it!! 

1 month
Skye baby came home from the NICU when she was 12 days old and I was very quickly thrown into insanely busy mode. Colin was just 16 months and he can be quite a handful by himself so when you throw a newborn in the mix, well, things become a lot busier. 

She weighed about 5 1/2 pounds when she hit one month old and of course was still wearing all preemie clothes. In fact, there were many preemie clothes that were too big. 

At just 2 weeks old she started rolling over from her stomach to her back and I was lucky enough to be taking a video of her at the same time so I caught the moment on camera!

By 3 weeks old she was already very interested when people were taking to her and would turn her head and look at them. At 4 weeks we got our first "on purpose" smiles from her and she hasn't stopped since. Colin didn't smile (for real) until he was closer to 12 weeks (which was completely normal because he was also 6 weeks early so milestones typically go by adjusted age). It was shocking that Skylar started doing these things so early (2 weeks before she was even supposed to be born!) but maybe it's just the first glimpse of what life will be like with a girl. My little social butterfly.  

My hands (and my <3) are very full :)

2 months
We started out our second month with Skylar on a family vacation to Orlando. It may have seemed crazy to some that we booked a trip for 3 weeks after my June 20th due date but I knew I wouldn't make it all the way to my due date. As it turned out she was 9 weeks when we went so it was perfect. We didn't go to any theme parks or anything but we just wanted to get away for a change of scenery. It had been a while since our family has had a vacation and we needed it - especially after two back to back really stressful pregnancies.

At Skylar's 2 month check up she weighed 7 lbs 4 oz and was 20 inches long. The size of a newborn finally! She's little but very strong! People don't believe me when I tell them how old she is because she is such a tiny peanut. 

At about 7-8 weeks old Skylar started "talking" to us. She will just talk and talk. Once again, I have a feeling this is a sign of things to come. She started pushing up more and more when we lay her on her stomach and would flip over when she got tired of it. She also became slightly obsessed with sucking her thumb this month. The problem is, she doesn't have the coordination needed to always get her thumb in her mouth so she would get really mad and scream. The more mad she would get the more impossible it was to get her thumb in. Not fun!! 

             The pictures above show what happens when "someone" steals her thumb. Hopefully she will
                                                            learn to keep it in on her own soon!
18 months
This is how she feels about all of the noise that the boys make

He's such a goof!

3 months
Skylar just hit 3 months a few days ago and I'm not sure how much she weighs but last time I weighed her she was still less than 8 lbs. She is still wearing newborn clothes (some preemie clothes still fit her) and I still have to fold newborn disposable diapers to fit her better. Most of the time she is in cloth diapers though. 

She rolls from her stomach to her back all of the time and she learned how to roll from her back to her stomach 2 days ago. Just in the past week she started putting herself to sleep by sucking her pacifier and holding her blanket. It is so cute! And it also provides me with a much needed break. Up until now, she wanted me to hold her All. The. Time. which would be okay except I have two other kids that need me too. I was getting burnt out big time.

Her schedule now is basically bed time between 8-9 PM, wake up at 3-4 AM to eat, back to sleep until its time to eat around 7 am, and then back to bed until 9-10 AM. During the day she usually eats, plays for while, takes a nap and repeat. Thankfully she has put herself on this very reasonable schedule much like Colin did. It definitely helps me keep my sanity!

I can't lay her down on her stomach near anything because she scoots everywhere and she is fast. Yesterday she was in the middle of her quilt and I had to leave the room to tend to Colin who was having a complete meltdown. I was just out of the room for about 3 minutes and when I came back I saw that she had scooted about 4 feet over to the computer chair and had butted her head up against it. OOPS! Bad mommy. She wasn't hurt or anything though. 

Colin and Aidan absolutely ADORE their sister. I am so so thankful. Aidan is my little helper and is always loving on Skylar and telling her how cute she is. Colin tries to "help" and he kisses her about 12,498,739,394 times a day. He gives her a pacifier - not always in her mouth, he helps me burp her, and he just recently thought it would be a good idea to share his bottle (of regular milk). Now THAT is love!

Colin is changing daily. He turned 19 months old today and is really developing quite a personality  He is a daddy's boy for sure. He loves me and he loves other family members but the world revolves around his daddy. His speech is getting better daily and he is able to really communicate much better than he could even a few months ago. Right now he is working on saying people's names. Just a few he says are Laura (war-wah), Melissa (Sah), Skylar (kye kye), Aidan (dan dan), and Jess. His two favorite words that he says are "wow", "baby", and "yes!" 

Aidan starts school the day after tomorrow! I can't believe I have a kid in kindergarten. Craziness I tell you! He will be going to the public school right by our house and it will definitely be a huge adjustment for all of us but I think he do well. I am planning on having a school post up by the end of the week to talk about how his first week went.

         This is how Colin "helps with the baby. He was sharing his milk all over her face!!

Colin was put into time out here because he wouldn't stop throwing his food on the floor. Can you tell he is devastated?

  I just installed cabinet locks on all of the kitchen cabinets. This is the response I got from Colin when he made the discovery that he could remove all of the contents of the cabinets anymore.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Introducing Skylar Noelle!

Our sweet "Skye baby" as my 5 year old has dubbed her was born on May 9, 2013 exactly 6 weeks before her due date. She only weighed 4 lbs 2 oz and was 16 inches long. My last baby was also 6 weeks early but he weighed 4 lbs 12 oz - it is amazing what a huge difference 10 oz makes on a person that small!! She looked much smaller to me!

 She had to spend 12 long days in the NICU but thankfully she never needed any breathing assistance or anything serious like that. She was simply a "feeder & grower". I'm not going to go into too much detail because I already gave a shortened version of her birth story on my other post HERE but I will provide a huge photobomb. I think pictures can tell a story better than my words could anyway. So without further ado, here is my precious baby girl Skylar Noelle. 

This is just minutes after she was born (if it was even that long) and I was already feeling a little better

Daddy's first time seeing her in the NICU

Poor baby had to have an IV in her head for fluids 

Daddy love
This made me laugh (after I was done crying of course). I had a tubal ligation the day after Skylar was born and the pain was making me extremely sick to my stomach (notice the barf bag to my left). So what did the nurses bring me!?! Crackers of course! I was being "crackered*" even after my HG baby was born. I'm guessing those nurses have never actually thrown up crackers.... It is NOT fun....

*Being "crackered" takes place when you are pregnant and suffering from Hyperemesis, attached to a PICC line, IV fluids, Zofran pump (any or all of the above may apply) and someone tries to be helpful and suggest you just "eat some saltines crackers before getting out of bed in the morning"... When this happens, you are being crackered.
Being  crackered can also mean when someone suggests ginger, prego pops, or sea bands. I promise you, if someone is sick enough that they need to stab themselves in the stomach every day with a zofran pump and be hooked up to multiple IVs and or PICC lines, crackers, ginger, and all of those other remedies just aren't going to cut it. Believe me, they HAVE tried all of the above.
The nurses made signs for all of the babies beds in the NICU :)

I was able to give Skye her first bath when she was a few days old. She wasn't a big fan but when I was done she just laid there and stared at me

Getting her sun tan on (phototherapy for jaundice). The nurses called her a "beach bum" because she had her glasses, sun, and all of that long blonde hair

They made me a card for Mother's day (when she was 2 days old) using Skylar's foot prints. So sweet!

Sleepy smiles

I'm a mess here but this was her first time in clothes. 3 or 4 days old I think

She has the greatest expressions
So hard to stay awake for food!!

Finally doing the car seat test on day 12. She passed and I was able to take her home!! So exciting!
All packed up!
Colin was intrigued 

This big brother ADORES his sister