Always look for the silver lining!
I have this conversation with Skye often as she is dealing with her own health issues. It's not easy to do and there are times that I want to throw up my hands and just give up. I don't have all of the answers as to why things happen and I don't know when things will get better. Or if they will get better for that matter. I definitively have my moments of frustration and lose my cool more than I'd like to admit during trying times but I really do make an effort to stay positive and I feel like that helps me get through the various trials I've been up against. I can't control the situations I find myself in medically but I can control how I deal with them. Skye still struggles with this a lot but I think it takes time and practice to switch that mindset and I have had a lot of both over the years!
A little over three months ago my life looked quite a bit different. I was your average busy mom always on the go driving kids to all of the places and activities and I was working a job that I really enjoyed. I was a group fitness coach for the last 5 years and I truly enjoyed working with all of our members, celebrating their successes, and writing workouts for them to (lovingly) complain about. It has been a huge part of my life for so long and I am so thankful I had the opportunity to experience it.
I have so much more I could say because I am very passionate about it but that is not the point of this post. The past few months have rocked my world and really changed so much about my life. I found out this summer (I think it was in July) that I had somehow managed to fracture my back in two places which may not have been so bad but when you combine it with a connective tissues disorder it causes a lot more trouble. I struggled with severe pain and barely any sleep for months but I'm stubborn and I still managed to continue on with things mostly as usual with some modifications given by my doctors. I was referred to a Neurosurgeon and was trying to mentally prepare for back surgery that I was told I would need to have.
What I did not mentally prepare for was seizures. My first one happened very early in the morning on September 3rd. My thrashing woke Alex up and I was unresponsive. It lasted for about 3 minutes and after a few more minutes I was able to respond to Alex by squeezing his hand like he was asking me to. After about 10-15 minutes I got sick and was able to start talking though I couldn't really form complete thoughts or sentences. I had never had a seizure before that so we went to the Emergency Department to be checked out and they started me on seizure medication while there.
A couple of days later I had a second one and this cycle continued every few days for several weeks. My dr increased my seizure medication until I was on the max allowed dose and at that point they finally spaced out to once every 5-7 days or so. At least now we knew what to expect but still had no answers as to exactly why this was happening. All we had were theories and the hope that getting my back repaired would help.
I am happy to say that since my back surgery a month ago I have only had 1 seizure. That was at 5 days post-op so I still had a lot of inflammation around my nerves. I am still on the max dose of medication for them as well but now is not the time to try to wean me off of the seizure meds just yet.
You know how you make plans in your head of how things will go and then things go absolutely nothing like you expected? That has been the case here. I planned to have the surgery, take off probably about 6 weeks from work and driving to heal, do some physical therapy and then voila! Back to my usual self! Instead I have been unable to drive for over 3 months and am looking at several more months ahead of me before I am cleared, I have barely left my house aside from drs appointments and I am no longer physically able to coach.
You're probably wondering by now where the silver lining comes in. Well I am getting there, I promise! This unfortunate series of events has provided me opportunities that I didn't even know I (and my family) needed.
- I have been able to be home with Skye every day for 3 months. As I said before, she has her own medical issues and because of that she is doing virtual school this year. She has been quite clingy to me and being here for her in a time that she needs me most has been priceless.
- Alex is working from home still which we never thought would be the case and having him close by has been such a blessing.
- About 2 weeks after my seizures started Aidan turned 16 and was able to get his drivers license. This has been such a huge help! Giving me rides to appointments, carpooling Skye to dance and even grocery pick ups. I'm thankful that Alex wasn't left to handle all of this on his own. I know he can (and he has many many times in the past) but this is a much longer amount of time than usual.
- The outpouring of love and prayers and meals and surprise gifts from so many has meant so much to us. I am not good at accepting help typically and in this season I have had no choice. It has shown me that I really do have so much to be thankful for! Not that I didn't already know but it has just been much more front and center.
- And last but not least, I didn't even know it was possible but my level of appreciation and love for Alex has grown so much during this time. I don't even have the right words to say for this one. He has stuck by my side for 20 years now - married for over 17 of these and we have been through so many experiences together at this point. He has always been here for me and stepped up even more when I have needed surgeries and things like that. But this time has been different. I normally am stubborn and very much like to accept minimal help even from him but I have never been as sick as I have been the past few months. I have never needed this level of help physically as I have needed the past few months. The seizures affected me to the point that there are many days I can't even remember and he has been patient and kind and never complained. Not one time.
