My HG Story

My Encounter with Hyperemesis...

This is the story of my Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) journey. As hard as it is for me to sit here and go through this past year I hope that it will not only help me accept that I didn't have the pregnancy I had envisioned but also help others who are dealing with Hyperemesis or know someone that is. My baby was born almost 4 months ago and even now as I sit here trying to work on this blog page I am having a very difficult time with it. It has been a very hard journey but was definitely not in vain! I now have the sweetest baby boy to show for what I went through. I am so thankful to be here to share my journey with whoever is willing to listen because there were definitely many days that I felt I wasn't going to be able to go on...

In the beginning....

I guess the best place to start is at the beginning so here it goes. Alex and I got married in July 2006 and had a "5 year plan" for having a baby. Well, after a very tough fall with a few hospitalizations for my asthma (one of those times being in the ICU for a week) and many medications later we had an "oops" and I got pregnant with Aidan. We had only been married for 6 months... So much for our plans! It turned out to be a blessing in disguise though because my asthma greatly improves with pregnancy. I was in nursing school at the time and was also working part time so between school, clinicals, and work I was gone up to 18 hours a day. My pregnancy went well overall in the beginning. I had slight nausea (more of an annoyance than anything) and it never failed - every time I brushed my teeth I would throw up. This cleared up around 13 weeks though and my second trimester was pretty smooth sailing. I won't go into the details of my pregnancy with him too much because that is not at all the point of this post. I'll just say that I went into preterm labor at 29 weeks and spent the remainder of my pregnancy on strict bed rest and medications for my never ending contractions. I developed preeclampsia at the end of my pregnancy and the experience ended with an emergency c section at almost 38 weeks because he was having heart decelerations. All went well and now we have an amazing 4 1/2 year old boy...

This is a picture that I took of my sweet boy last June before I became super ill...
Isn't he a cutie!?!

After my seemingly tough surprise pregnancy with Aidan, Alex and I decided we wanted to wait a while to have any more kids. We did just that and last year (2011) we decided to try for baby number 2! I was so excited to get pregnant again and was really looking forward to (and hoping for) a smooth pregnancy. I thought my first experience was awful and I guess I just wanted things to be different this time. Little did I know that my first pregnancy would be a breeze compared to the one I was about to experience...


A good friend of mine gave me a pregnancy calendar I am so thankful that she did because I was able to jot some things down during the pregnancy that I wouldn't have otherwise kept track of. My calendar entries will begin with the date and how far along I was in bold and everything in quotations is exactly what I had written down on that particular day. I will fill in the blanks in between with more details since I was too sick to write much at the time...


*June 6th (3.4 weeks)- "I'm a little queasy today but it is way too early to have morning sickness so I don't think I'm pregnant. Maybe next month... :("

As you can see I was feeling sick very early and I had no idea that it could even start this soon. From what I have seen, HG typically starts earlier than normal morning sickness would. This isn't always the case but many women I have talked to said theirs started early also. I had no idea what HG even was so that thought never even crossed my mind. Boy would I quickly find out...

*June 13th (4.2 weeks)- "Positive pregnancy test! Finally!! Alex and I are both really excited and I am really looking forward to a (hopefully) easier pregnancy"

I still couldn't believe that the sickness I was feeling could be from the pregnancy but I quickly learned that I didn't just have normal morning sickness...

*June 15th (4.4 weeks)- "Definitely feel the morning sickness - ALL DAY!"
*June 17th (4.6 weeks)- "Bloodwork at the doctor today to check my HCG count and progesterone levels to make sure everything looks good. Won't find out results for a few days..."

*June 19th (5.1 weeks)- "Today is Fathers' Day and we chose today to tell our families that I was pregnant. Aidan wore his "Big Bro" shirt and everyone was very excited."

We normally would have waited longer to tell our families the news but because I was already sick Alex and I both knew that there was no way we would be able to keep it a secret anyway. This is the last family get together during my pregnancy that I was able to fully enjoy. I was feeling sick but it was not yet unbearable.

*June 20th (5.2 weeks)- "Not feeling so great, can only tolerate plain foods and some fruit. Blood work results came in and my numbers are HIGH. Hoping there's only one baby in here!"

As you can see, I was quickly becoming limited in what I could eat. I had not actually made it to the point of throwing up yet but I knew that it wasn't far off.

By the time I hit 6 weeks along my list of things that I could not eat was growing quite long. I wasn't able to eat any meat, dairy, eggs, fruit, and other stuff as well. In the beginning, a really good day was when I was able to ingest 200-300 calories total. That didn't even take into account the fact that most everything was coming back up anyway. A "meal" for me was part of an Eggo waffle with nothing on it, about 10 pieces of Kix cereal, or a few pretzel sticks. Not all at the same time, I would only choose one of these off this list. Sometimes I could eat a biscuit as well. Another "safe" food for me was pickles and cucumbers. Not much to them but at least I there was some liquid, right? I began to lose a pound every 1-2 days and had all of the other issues that come with dehydration and starvation such as faintness, dizziness (on top of my HG dizziness), confusion, dark thoughts (such as just wanting to die or wishing I wasn't pregnant), and terrible weakness. I felt so sick and was so scared of what eating was going to do to me that I was completely TERRIFIED to even try. Alex and my mom had to urge me to put SOMETHING in my mouth - even if it was just a few pieces of cereal...


*June 23rd (5.5 weeks)- "Today I threw up for the first time. Things are getting bad quickly and I'm scared of what is to come..."

*June 25th (6 weeks)- "Very, very sick"

It was getting much more difficult to function. My level of sickness seemed to be doubling almost daily.

*June 26th (6.1 weeks)- "Nausea worse every day. I throw up everything I eat now and nothing sounds good"

*June 27th (6.2 weeks)- "Terrible nausea still with vomiting. I have lost 3 pounds in just the past week. I called the doctor today and he put me on Zofran (8 mg, 3 times a day)"

When I was placed on the Zofran I was very hopeful that it would be my "miracle drug" and it did help... a little anyway. At this point I also bought and tried sea-bands, fresh ginger, ginger snaps, saltines, etc. I tried all of the "typical" suggestions and every single one of them was a huge let down. Nothing was helping me and I was continuing to get worse.

*June 28th (6.3 weeks)- "Zofran helps some but I still feel very sea sick non stop"

*June 29th (6.4 weeks)- "Aidan just asked me why I don't want him anymore :-("

And here starts the emotional part of my journey... My 3 year old wanted to know why I didn't want him anymore. I cried about his question for days. I had no answers. Of course I wanted him but I was physically unable to even show him that. All I could do was lay on the couch with my hands over my face to try to block out as much sound and movement as possible. Looking at the computer made me sick, watching TV made me sick, listening to any noise made me sick. I would get mad at Alex for running on the treadmill because hearing the repetitive motion of that would even make me sick.

Aidan would come into the bathroom while I was vomiting and watch and tell me "I love you mommy" and other sweet things like that but I would tell him to get out. I always felt bad afterwards and it wasn't because I was upset with him. I just didn't want him to see me like that. I got better about that as time went on and he also stopped coming in as much. It still makes me sad thinking about the look on his face the first time I "yelled" at him to get out! I didn't really yell but I didn't say it nicely because I was mid-vomit. Poor baby...

I was not able to go upstairs with Aidan to tuck him into bed at night, I couldn't read to him, and I couldn't even let him watch TV while sitting in the same room with me. I was told by several people to "distract yourself" but how in the world do you distract yourself when you are unable do anything at all without throwing up? I was quickly becoming depressed and I didn't know how to get out of it... I felt like I was being a terrible mommy to Aidan and I felt like no one believed how sick I really felt.


*July 2nd (7 weeks)- "Went on vacation to the beach because we had already paid for it but it was very difficult to enjoy it at all because I was still so very sick"

This is the only picture I took while on vacation at the beach. I love taking pictures so this is not like me at all! I was just so so sick... Nothing was normal anymore...

*July 11th (8.2 weeks)- "We had our first ultrasound today to see how the baby is doing and make sure there was only one. Everything looked great and there is in fact just one baby making me this sick. Because I have now lost 7 pounds I was sent in to see my doctor instead of just having the ultrasound and he changed my medication a little bit"

Here's our little peanut! 8.2 weeks along

At this point I was dropping enough weight that it was starting to become a concern. I was sent in to see the doctor and he decided to change my medication from 8 mg (dissolvable) Zofran every 8 hours to 4 mg of Zofran every 4 hours. Even though I was receiving the same amount of medication he was hoping that taking smaller amounts more often would stabilize me more. The Nurse Pracitioner in the office also mentioned that I may possibly need a Zofran pump with 24 hour medication. I had never heard of it before but was too sick to even look at a computer screen to research it. I was just hoping it wouldn't come to that...

*July 19th (9.3 weeks)- "Still very sick - I can't keep any food or liquids down at all :("

If you have a weak stomach, don't read this next section... :)
Let me talk a little about Hyperemesis throw up... I know that seems like a strange thing to talk about but it does not compare to "normal" throwing up (at least none that I've ever done) at all. I used to get carsick as a kid literally every time I got into a car, I have had tons of stomach bugs over the years, and a I have also gotten sick after riding on carnival type rides. What I'm saying is that I've done my share of throwing up. During my pregnancy, my vomit sessions were so intense that Alex could literally hear me from anywhere in the house. It would go on forever and just when I thought it was going to stop it would start up again. One time, I was in my bathroom (in the middle of my house) and I had both bathroom fans blowing to block out noise, my bathroom and bedroom doors were shut and Alex heard me from OUTSIDE with the outside door shut as well. It's no joke. I pulled stomach and back muscles, burst blood vessles in my eyes, and I'm pretty sure I developed some small tears in my esophagus because I would occasionally throw up blood. Just imagine having the worst stomach bug you have ever had, plus food poisoning, all while riding on a crazy carnival ride that was spinning rapidly. Now imagine all of that is going on AND you are on a ship with really choppy seas and you feel completely sea sick as well. All you want to do is get off the boat and there is NO WAY OUT. It is miserable. What's worse is that even after all of the throwing up was "done" the nausea and stomach cramps never went away. If I ate something, my stomach would protest loudly and I would have terrible stomach pains until I finally threw it up. It doesn't matter how much later it came back up, it would look like I had JUST eaten it. Three hours later, five hours later... It didn't matter. One of the issues with HG is slow digestion. One sip of water and I was immediately sent into spasms of throwing up again. There is so much here that I'm not even saying because I'm sure no one wants to hear it but I just wanted to make it clear that HG is not just a little bit of morning sickness that sometimes ends up in a little bit of vomiting. It is intense, it is serious, it is painful, and it is the worst thing I have ever experienced. I would MUCH RATHER go through labor again with no pain meds than experience the throwing up that comes with HG.
Ok, if you skipped this part due to a weak stomach it is safe to look now :)

*July 21st (9.5 weeks)- "Today I called my doctor to tell them things were getting worse and they are setting me up with home health care and I will be receiving a Zofran pump to provide continuous medicine 24 hours a day"

By the time the Home Health Care (HHC) nurse came to my house to set me up with a Zofran pump and IV fluids I had not kept any food or liquid down in over 4 days. I was severely dehydrated and completely unable to even think straight. I didn't even have relief at night because I would wake up out of a deep sleep to vomit. It is indescribable the way I was feeling. I began having thoughts that are NOT normal for me at all. I resented my baby and I was questioning if I could even survive another 7 months of the torture. In just a few short weeks I had gone from a busy, working mom to a person who was too weak to even give myself a shower. I lost my identity as a wife and mother and instead became a person I didn't even recognize with thoughts that would never have been going through my head normally...

I didn't think to take any up close pictures of my pump but I found this picture here.
It is exactly the same kind that I had.

These were my Zofran syringes that go into my pump.
They began to take over my refrigerator.

*July 22nd (9.6 weeks)- "Today Alex and I should be celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary. We didn't end up celebrating at all because I am simply too sick. I was started on my Zofran pump today and I was extremely dehydrated when the nurse came so she also started an IV for fluids. I am down 14 pounds from the beginning of my pregnancy"

This is the day I was hooked up to my Zofran pump (in my lap) and IV fluids at home.
My ketones were 3+ and I was feeling terrible... Happy 5th anniversary, right?

Every single morning I had to check my ketone level with these little strips to see how dehydrated I was and when I received my daily call from my Alere nurse I had to tell her if I had ketones, my weight, how many times I had vomited in the past 24 hours, and how I was feeling in general.

3+ ketones.... Time for another IV

IV start kits that came weekly in my supply boxes.

This is the site that goes into my stomach so I can receive the 24 hour a day Zofran. It had to be changed twice a day usually because it would leave giant welts on my stomach.

This is the needle that I had to stab my own stomach with. It was small but it's never easy to poke yourself!

After I placed the site into an area on my stomach I had to remove the needle and the catheter would stay inside. This is what it looked like before the Zofran pump was connected.

One end of this tubing connected to the Zofran syringe and the end shown here snaps into the site on my stomach like this...

My house was (and still is) overflowing with medical supplies. IV tubing, IV start kits, 20 something bags of fluids delivered every week, alcohol wipes, batteries for my pump and a million other things.

*July 24th (10.1 weeks)- "Zofran pump is helping but I still feel sick all the time. The fluids have been an amazing help though."

*August 2nd (11.3 weeks)- "Today I had my first (official) prenatal appointment. I am doing a little bit better with the help of the Zofran pump but things are still bad and I am continuing to lose weight. Down 16 pounds now."

Sorry for the blurry pic, it was a bad camera phone... So unbelievable sick here, but trying to spend some time with Aidan...

When the nurse at my doctor's office weighed me she had to double check my chart. I had lost a lot of weight in a very short amount of time and she was sure she had just read the numbers wrong. My doctor told me that although I was now underweight my baby would get everything he or she needed. I was skeptical about it but he was very reassuring.

*August 10th (12.4 weeks)- "Today is Alex's birthday. I wish I could do more to celebrate with him but I guess it will have to wait until next year. We also had another ultrasound today and everything still looks perfect. Baby is growing right on target even though I have been so sick."

Here is our baby's profile at 12.4 weeks. Everything still looks great!

Sadly, this is the first time since I have known Alex that I have NO pictures from his birthday. Too sick to even think of it...

13.4 weeks and not even the slightest sign that I'm pregnant... well, besides
the IV and Zofran pump....

**The comedic side to HG - got any "funny" stories? Share them in the comments...

*August 19th (13.6 weeks) "So this morning I was working on some editing and the doorbell rang. I tried to get up quickly (it's not an easy thing to do right now)
 and ended up completely tangling my IV line, Zofran infusion line, and laptop cord. Finally I got it all undone and was able to drag everything to the door. Picture this - I am still in my pjs, I have an IV in my hand and I'm dragging my pole behind me, I've got the
other line (from my pump) tangled in my iv line still and that is attached to a case that is hanging over my shoulder. And as if that isn't enough, I have a busted lip (courtesy of Aidan), and as I was slinging my zofran pump over my shoulder on the way to the door
I apparently messed up my hair and it was sticking straight up (I didn't see that until after I answered the door). The mail lady's face was priceless. I'm pretty sure she thought I escaped from a crazy house....."

There were many days (and sometimes weeks) in a row that I was unable to even get the calendar out and write anything at all. Between entries it was just more of the same. IV placed and fluids administered, felt a little better, gained a pound or two, IV infiltrated, sickness gets severe again, lose the weight I gained plus some more, have another IV placed, and then repeat cycle.... OVER and OVER again... At this point I was about 14 weeks.

Being in the cycle I just described is VERY difficult not only physically but mentally as well. I would bounce around from feeling very depressed and unable to function to doing a little better and feeling some sort of hope that this would end soon. I kept hoping I would get better but I was slowly realizing that I was just going to need to deal with this my whole pregnancy. When I would be receiving all of the IV fluids that I needed I was feeling so much better and was able to be upbeat and optimistic only for all of it to come crashing down within days of my IV coming out. I knew everyone was counting on this getting better and over and over again I felt like I was letting everyone down...

Here are just few examples of IVs gone wrong. The first picture is what I woke up to one morning after my IV had
apparently infiltrated and leaked into the tissues in my hand/arm all night long. I couldn't feel my hand at all or bend it
even the slighest bit. My rings were stuck! Alex dubbed it my "Popeye hand"... At least he had a sense of humor. The second picture shows the comparison of my swollen hand next to my normal hand (this is after the swelling had gone down some already. The last picture is just one of many many blown veins. Almost everytime I had an IV started I also received at least one of these lovely spots because my veins were in bad shape...

*August 25th (14.6 weeks)- "Today we went with my sisters and Aidan for an elective ultrasound and it looks like we have another baby boy on the way!"


*August 31st (15.4 weeks)- "I am starting to feel the baby move just a little now and it is such a relief to have some indication that I am actually pregnant and not just terribly sick."

*September 7th (16.1 weeks)- "Trying to distract myself from this constant nausea. Actually looking forward to getting a new iv placed in the morning (well, kinda) because I know it'll make me feel better and be able to enjoy Aidan's bday celebration this weekend :)"

*September 9th (16.3 weeks)- "Had another ultrasound today and we are definitely having a boy! I am down 5 more pounds which makes a total weightloss of 21 pounds. I am also starting to get a sore throat."

16.3 weeks - see his little hands and leg stretched out?

*September 11th (17.1 weeks)- "I am really sick with a cough and fever. No sleep the past two nights :( "

17.2 weeks - finally starting to look somewhat pregnant (although I
do remember trying to push out my stomach for this picture) :)

*September 12th (17.2 weeks)- "I'm having trouble breathing so I went to the doctor. I have pneumonia in both lower lungs."


*September 13th (17.3 weeks)- "Antibiotics were switched from oral to IV because I was unable to keep down the oral meds. My doctor also started me on daily IV Phenergan and daily IV Vitamins in addition to my Zofran pump. I had to go to the Emergency Department to have an IV restarted because the one that was placed yesterday blew already and I needed to run my antibiotics. My veins are in very bad shape at this point."

These are the antibiotics I was given for my pneumonia. I needed it 3 times a day so my nurse
showed me how to administer it myself.

This is my "banana bag" aka IV fluids with vitamins added. On the top of
the IV pole you can see my antibiotic hanging up...

My bunny just loved to hang out with my IV pole

*September 14th (17.4 weeks)- "I talked to the doctor and he has scheduled me to get a PICC line tomorrow. I'm a little nervous but also somewhat excited and hopeful that this will finally be the help I need."

After my visit to the ER to have a new IV placed and three unsuccessful sticks by an IV specialist, my nurse talked to my doctor to ask about a PICC line. I felt like I was at the end of my rope and was tired of all of the up and down cycles I as going through. I knew that with a PICC line I would be able to receive fluids every day without worrying about running out of veins. I was definitley looking forward to not getting poked anymore and I also found out that my Zofran pump that had been running into my stomach could now run directly into my PICC. My stomach couldn't have been more thankful. It had become quite sore by now...

*September 15th (17.5 weeks)- "PICC line placed. Procedure went well and it didn't hurt too bad compared to the many blown IVs I have had."

Well, here is my PICC line. Alex was helping me flush it here so that we could
add the extension tubing. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to manage the lines myself because
I couldn't reach them. I bet he didn't know when he married me that he would aquire some nursing skills!

*September 18th (18.1 weeks)- "Aidan turned 4 years old today! The birthday I originally had planned didn't happen but we celebrated with family and Aidan's best buddy (and his amazing family too of course) and we had a good time. PICC line has been a huge help am now able to stay hydrated without worrying about an IV infiltrating."

I had a difficult time dealing with the fact that I was not able to give Aidan the party I had wanted him to have. I have always been proud of the fact that I made all of Aidan's cakes and I love doing that for him. This year it wasn't even a remote possibility.  I thought about attempting it but I knew that I would pay dearly if I even tried. By this point he was dealing with my sickness a little better and I honestly don't even think he noticed that I didn't make his cake. He was just excited about all of his presents.

Here is Aidan with his birthday cake (first one that I did not make home made for him.... ; Second picture is of me and Buzz Lightyear... errr. Aidan :). Notice the lovely IV in my arm. His party was the week before I had my PICC placed.

These pictures were taken on Aidan's actual birthday. I now had my PICC line in and the strap going over my shoulder is
the Zofran pump that became my "accessory" 24 hours a day for over 5 months...

*October 4th (20.3 weeks)- "I'm doing much better now that I have my PICC line. I have actually been able to gain almost 3 pounds!"

The PICC line was my life savor for a long time. I was getting in 2-3 liters of fluids everyday and for the first time during my pregnancy I was also getting vitamins (in my fluids). I really think they made a huge difference for me. My weight was still fluctuating but it was starting to go in the right direction and although I still felt nauseated 24 hours a day it was not nearly as intense as it had been. I still had to be careful on days that I felt "good" though because I was famous for doing too much and paying for it later. One thing that is very difficult with HG is that doing too much (even if it is not much at all) on a good day will usually make you VERY VERY sick for a few days following. I struggled with this quite a bit and had to ask Alex to stop me if I tried to over-do it. 

*October 5th (20.4 weeks)- "Contractions have officially started. I have to be very careful not to do too much or I have too many of them."

My contractions with Colin started even before they did with Aidan but I knew that was typical for me so I didn't get too worked up about it. I did tell my home health care nurse about it when she came and she told me to keep an eye on them. My doctor started me on  weekly 17P injections (progesterone) to hopefully prevent preterm labor. My nurse would administer the shot every week when she came to change my PICC line dressing.

These were my P17 injections. I know it may not look like much but those suckers HURT. It felt like I was being injected with something really thick like peanut butter...

*October 10th (21.2 weeks)- "Alex and I went out to the town center and to lunch today. This is the first time we have gone anywhere together since I got pregnant. It was nice to feel more "normal" for a day."

It was beyond amazing to have a somewhat normal day with Alex. Aside from my PICC line and Zofran pump (and all kinds of weird looks from passersby) I felt and looked somewhat normal. I am so thankful that we were able to have this day!

*October 13th (21.5 weeks)- "We can feel (and see) every movement the baby makes. It is such a happy reminder that something good is coming from all of this pain and sickness."

*October 15th (22 weeks)- "Getting closer to the end now (and getting better at hiding the hideous PICC line)..."

22 weeks and getting a little belly finally

***Things went downhill from here on and I no longer wrote anything down in my calendar. I do, however have all of my facebook status updates from the time so I do have some information. Just as with the previous weeks, I will put quotation marks around the things that I actually wrote down at the time and add in other information that I didn't include.


*October 27th (23.5 weeks)- "Has been quite an exciting day so far. My PICC line became infected so I have spent all morning at the hospital getting that one taken out and a new one placed. Looks I may be spending the night in labor & delivery to get a head start on iv antibiotics..."

LEFT: This is what my PICC site started to look like a few days after one of my dressing changes and it was
my first indication that something wasn't right. It continued to get more red and hot to the touch and I also started having fevers so I ended up having it taken out because of infection. RIGHT: This picture was taken a few days after my PICC line was removed. My skin was very irritated and covered in very painful blisters. It actually looked worse than it does here but I did not take any pictures of it then...

When I had my PICC line dressing change on October 25th, the site was starting to look just a little bit red around the opening. I was told to keep an eye on it and within a couple of days I had a low grade fever, more redness at the site, and my arm was very warm to the touch. I called my nurse and was told to go ahead and see my doctor about having a new PICC line placed. I had this PICC for over 7 weeks and was definitely disappointed but as long as I could get a new one I was okay with it.

I went to the hospital on the 28th and ended up spending the entire day there. I went to my doctor's office first and he sent me to the radiology department at the same hospital. Of course I forgot to take a subcutaneous Zofran pump site with me so I had to spend all day without my pump. By the time my PICC line was removed from my right arm and a new one was placed in my left I was feeling very sick and was contracting every 3 minutes. Because of the infection and the contractions, the decision was made that it would be better for me to spend the night in the hospital. My doctor was quite surprised when he saw the amount of contractions I was having because I had just seen him that same morning and didn't mention the contractions at all. I told him the reason I didn't is because I contract a lot anyway, it's just what I do! I was given two turbutaline shots to slow down the contractions and a large dose of phenergan to ward off any vomiting. I don't remember much of anything else from that night at all.

*October 28th (23.6 weeks)- "Home from the hospital now. Thankfully they were able to slow my contractions way down while I was there and they got me started on iv antibiotics for my infected PICC line. Hoping to not go back until sometime in January or February :)"

The above entry makes me laugh (not because it's funny, but because it is ironic) just considering the fact that I went (and stayed) at the hospital MUCH sooner than January or February... I had no clue...

*November 1st (24.3 weeks)- "My dr appointment went well. Great news is we caught and treated my PICC infection in enough time so it didn't get into my bloodstream and my arm is starting to heal. And I have my glucose test :-/ next appt, and another ultrasound in 3 weeks to make sure baby boy is growing on schedule :) now just have to take it easy so I don't have too many contractions."

*November 6th (25.1 weeks)- "I think my "nesting" phase has started. Unfortunately I'm neither allowed nor physically able to do a whole lot :-("

**Instead of "nesting" like most pregnant women do, my daily routine became all about, IVs, vitamins, phenergan, alcohol swabs, Zofran, saline flushes, different tubing, etc....

This is what my nightly routine consisted of: The vitamins are on the left (with the purple and yellow tops,
IV fluids, saline flushes, alcohol wipes, new tubing, Sharps container, vile of Phenergain (on the right),
and syringes/needles for the vitamins and Phenergan...

...and the highlight of my week became the PICC line dressing change. I never looked forward to the P17 injection that came the same day though...


*November 7th (25.2 weeks)- "Received a very unexpected blessing today from someone I don't even know!"

The above entry is in reference to the wonderful people at the Beyond Morning Sickness website. Not only is it an amazing place to go for information on HG, I have never met people that are more wonderful or caring than the people that can be contacted through the website. They sent me the book "Beyond Morning Sickness" and also a book for us to read to Aidan called, "Mama Has Hyperemesis Gravidarum (But Only for a While)". The first book I mentioned is a collection of stories from women who battled the disease as well as the author's first hand account of all of her terrible pregnancies. It also has information on treatment and a great deal of of tips for the sufferer as well family and friends of sufferers. The second book mentioned is a children's book that the author wrote to explain HG to a child in very simple terms. Not only did these wonderful people send me these two books, they also set me up with a mentor who emailed me EVERY DAY to just check on me and see how I was doing. When I emailed the author I had no idea that I would receive the outpouring of love and kindness that I was given. They had no obligation to help me yet they helped me more than I can ever begin to describe. I will be forever thankful and I hope to one day return the favor and work with them to be a mentor to others. I am not in a place where I am capable of doing it yet, but that is my goal.


*November 8th (25.3 weeks)- "My second PICC line is a huge fail :( here's to hoping the third times a charm...Long story but I had irritation from the iv rocephin which continued to get worse since it was covered with the dressing. My skin was disintegrating.Well yesterday my nurse took the PICC dressing off and covered the site with sterile gauze so my skin could breathe and heal. Today right before my nurse came over I was walking past a cardboard box of iv supplies and my zofran tubing caught on the box and pulled my PICC out! That's right, it pulled out about 12 cm. my skin was seeping so much that the wing guard just slid right off of my arm. I burst into tears. I didn't know what to do! My nurse came 5 minutes later and calmed me down, secured the line to my arm so it wouldn't come out an more and sent me to the hospital to have it pulled and replaced (third times a charm, right?). Only problem is, radiology wouldn't see me today so I waited in the er for over 7 hours. They wouldn't get someone to take it out and placed an iv in the crease of my other arm after refusing to even look for another vein to put it in. The whole adventure in the er is another post on its own and I'm too exhausted, sick, and irritable to go into it. I can't bend either arm, my rash itches like crazy, and I feel like I'm going to go crazy. 25.3 weeks and counting and I love my little baby with everything in me but I don't know if I can do this! Ok, vent over..."

Alex took this picture of me the night my line slid out. I was sent to the ER by my home health nurse but the doctor at there that night refused to take the PICC the rest of the way out. After about 7 hours of waiting, they sent me home with half of my left arm wrapped up because my PICC line was still hanging there, a new IV in my right arm (so I couldn't bend either arm) and I felt completely defeated. All I could do at this point was cry... If you look at my left arm you can see the stat lock from my PICC line in the crease of my elbow. It was originally on the upper inside of my arm. That's how far it slid out...

*November 9th (25.4 weeks)- "PICC number 3 is in and everything went smoothly."

*November 10th (25.5 weeks morning)- " I am on PICC #3 and it seems as if my body is starting to react to something. I had my third PICC placed yesterday and the people who place it use only bedadine and I had no issues with redness, itchiness, etc. today the Alere nurse came to change the dressing and they use chloraprep to clean the area and within 15 minutes of the new dressing going on my skin is red, blotchy, and itchy. She is coming right back to my house to redress it without using chloraprep to see if that works."
   

LEFT: I developed a rash all over my arms and it was much worse under my PICC dressing. My skin became so hot that the antibacterial gel patch that is placed over the insertion site actually melted (that's what you see in this picture CENTER: This is after my PICC slid part way out. It actually pulled out about 12 cm. I was so upset! RIGHT: This is a picture of the blisters that my arm was covered in. It felt like my arm was on fire and it itched at the same time.

With all of the problems I had been having, my skin became ultra sensitive to EVERYTHING! I had chemical burns on both arms from the Chloraprep but thankfully third time was a charm and we finally figured out the Chloraprep was causing my skin problems.

After my 2nd PICC was pulled out my arm was completely raw and blistered; my arm was also very swollen

*November 10th (afternoon)- "Looks like I have a chloraprep allergy (the stuff they use to clean my arm for dressing changes). The thing that really figured this out for us is that I was in the er and was sent home with an iv a couple of nights ago. The iv was only in until my new PICC was placed so about 12 hours and the area where the iv was had the same rash. We couldn't figure it out until my nurse called the hospital I was at and asked what they clean the skin with to place ivs. The answer - chloraprep! Bingo! The nurses really had to do a lot of detective work :) Hopefully not using that anymore will keep my new PICC line from getting irritated. Looking forward to a long weekend with my hubby ;)"

LEFT: This is my 3rd (and final) PICC line. I took this picture the day after it was put in and even though we discovered that I was allergic to Chloraprep and no longer used it to clean the site, it turned out to be too late. My skin was reacting to it quicker than ever and each time it was getting more severe. RIGHT: Mid-dressing change - my arm really was this red, no photoshop job here! Ouch!!!

*November 11th (25.6 weeks)- "I'm so ready to be normal again :-("

HG is a lonely, lonely disease. It is very misunderstood and many people think that it is just morning sickness. Let me tell you something: HYPEREMESIS IS NOT MORNING SICKNESS!! Not even close. It takes away so much. It took away my ability to work, care for my family, and even my ability to care for myself. I have never in my life felt as defeated as I felt when I was suffering from HG. I cried all the time (though I still do). I wanted my pregnancy to be over but I also wanted my baby to be okay. When I wrote the post about wanting to be normal again I was dealing with complications of HG and I felt like I was at the end of my rope. Everytime I thought things couldn't possibly get worse, they did. They got much worse...

*November 13th (26.1 weeks)- "For the past three days I have had a rash on my upper body that itches soooooo bad. Between that and the nausea/vomiting I think I just may lose my mind. My nurse saw it today and seems to think that it is just my body being hypersensitive because of everything it's been through. Seriously!?! Is there anything else that could happen? Im on my 3rd PICC line, on meds for contractions, still throwing up, still can't drink anything besides little sips of sweet tea, a chloraprep allergy, and now this! I'm losing it! Why does my body hate me!?!"

*November 16th (26.4 weeks)- "Waiting on the nurse to come change my PICC line dressing and realllly hoping that my skin is starting to heal..."

*November 21st (27.2 weeks)- "Longest. Night. Ever..."

I was up all night with Aidan because he was having bad asthma and being tired for me = increased nausea and vomiting. When he was finally able to rest I couldn't get away from the dizziness and nausea that was haunting me. Looking back though, I am very thankful I was able to be there when he needed me even though it did make me much sicker.

*November 21st (27.2 weeks)- "... Waiting for my glucose test :( forgive me if I throw up all over the nurse... I will be having an ultrasound too so at least I can look forward to that. :)" 

*November 22nd (27.3 weeks)- "For the first time in 19 weeks I am not hooked up to my zofran pump. Literally, this thing has been my 24 hr/day companion and it just quit working :( I'll be getting a new one tomorrow. Here's to hoping for a deep deep sleep tonight..."

My Zofran pump started beeping and showing that it had a low battery even though I had just replaced it. I put a new battery in it and it kept beeping! Of course it was late at night so it was impossible to get a new pump until the next day. I hooked up my IV fluids with Phenergan and hoped for the best. I did get up a few times because I was sick without my Zofran but it definitely wasn't the worst night I'd had. I was very thankful when I received my new pump the next day!! Just in time for Thanksgiving!

*November 23rd (27.4 weeks)- "Finally some good news! My arm that had the chloraprep chemical burn is healing up sooo well. My nurse put the Sorbaview dressing on it today and even she was shocked that it looks so good. No more pain, no more itching, nothing! Anyway, just thought I'd share because I'm so excited that I won't need to go this week for a 4th PICC line :)"   

*November 26th: Thanksgiving Day (28 weeks)- "I haven't been on fb for a few days but just wanted to say how very thankful I am for amazing family, friends, and my amazing husband and son...
Also thankful for my son that I haven't met yet and for my incredible dr and nurses who are doing everything in their power to get me and baby boy through this pregnancy safely. It hasn't been easy but the end result is all that matters :)"

And this starts a whole other chapter to my story...
Thanksgiving was pretty pleasant over all. I have never eaten that little at any Thanksgiving before though. That's for sure. I think I ate a bread roll, a small portion of sweet potato, and about 3 cranberries (from the cranberry sauce). It was nice to have a day with all of my family (and Alex's). The day after thanksgiving, Alex and I decided to go to a couple of stores. I normally go "black Friday" shopping early in the morning but that wasn't going to happen this time! We went out around 10 AM because I figured it would be fun to get out a bit and take advantage of some good deals. By that time the crowds had died down because most people were done shopping and back in bed. We went to Target and I was ok for about few minutes. Aidan wanted to look at the toys so I was standing next to the shopping cart while he showed my sisters that were with us all of the toys he wanted for Christmas and all of a sudden, I felt extremely sick and lost my ability to see and hear. Thankfully my sister and Alex was saw the look on my face and how pale I had become and knew something was wrong. He got a hold of me and sat me down on one of the emptied off floor shelves in target and made me put my head between my knees because I was passing out. I am so glad he was there with me! Throughout the day, and the days following, everytime I would sit up straight or stand up for more than a few minutes I would begin stars and knew that I needed to recline in order to not pass out again. This was not the first time I had become faint during the pregnancy but usually it happened  when I was taking a shower or something and I had been either unable to eat or had vomited multiple times. This particular instance I had eaten something and had my normal amount of IV fluids. I spoke to my HHC nurse about the fainting episodes and we both agreed that it could just be the baby getting bigger and maybe pushing on something that would cause that. I did not want to go back to the hospital so I just decided to stay home, stay close to Alex constantly, and be very, very careful. We really aren't sure what caused my fainting episodes, but it could have something to do with what was about to happen next. Read on and you will see what I'm talking about...

Aidan was really sick and having some trouble with asthma. This is the first time since he was a baby that he fell asleep on me while we were sitting on the couch. I'm so thankful that I spent that extra time just loving on him because this is also the night that I went into the hospital because my arm went numb. I had no idea I would be making the trip to the hospital that night or the fact that I would not be able to come back home for 47 very long days.... :(

LEFT: This is my right hand while lying down with my arm elevated - looks normal.. RIGHT: This is also my right arm but this is what happens when I sit up or stand. This was caused by two DVTs that were blocking the blood from flowing back out of my arm like it should. The picture really doesn't show how bad it would get but I was not supposed to hang my arm down so this is the best I could get. 

You know how I thought things couldn't get any worse? Well, I was so very wrong. On November 28th when I was 28.2 weeks pregnant it was time to get ready for bed so I stood up and went to carry out my "normal" nightly routine. I brushed my teeth and gathered all of my needed medical supplies. New IV tubing - check! Phenergan, syringe, an needle - check! A bag of fluids - check! Alcohol wipes, Zofran syringe, flushes, etc. etc... After standing up for about 5 minutes, along with seeing stars, my right arm went COMPLETELY numb. It felt so strange. I told Alex that I couldn't feel my arm and was answered with kind of a sarcastic, "what now?" response (not in a mean way or anything, it just seemed like there was always some kind of new problem so I understood his response completely). When I told him again and he could tell I was concerned about it he came into the kitchen where I was hooking up all of my medications and things and we turned on the brighter lights to look at my numb arm. It was a dark shade of purple and my veins were all very pronounced. It was as if I had a tourniquet on my upper arm and it had been on way too long. I called my HHC nurse and was told to immediately disconnect my fluids and to go straight to labor & delivery. It could be a blood clot...

I was definitely scared but I was kind of walking around numb. It was 11:30 at night so we had to call and wake up my parents to ask if we could drop Aidan off. I felt bad that Alex was going to miss work the next day and I felt bad that we were waking my parents up. I felt like such a burden to everyone and I was just sure that we would drive all the way downtown only to be sent home and told it was nothing. I didn't take anything with me to the hospital because after all, it was going to be NOTHING! I was so sure of it.

*November 29th (28.3 weeks)- "Ok the verdict is in. I have two blood clots (DVTs) in my arm in two different places. One in subclavian and one in AC. I also had a gall bladder scan and I don't know results from that yet and I'm also still waiting on the high risk dr to come scan the baby. His heartbeat has been great though so not really a concern at all but it'll be nice to see him. We are wondering if my passing out episodes are related to the clots... I'll talk to the dr about it when he comes in."

*November 29th (28.3 weeks): middle of the night- "Every time a baby is born at baptist they play a lullaby throughout the hospital and it sounds like the first one was born since I've been here tonight! Can we please find the fast forward button and skip to February now!?!"

**Although I was excited to hear the lullaby the first night, it quickly became a sound that I dreaded. That lullaby meant that some other lucky woman had come into the hospital and their pregnancy was over. Some days it made me more upset than others depending on my emotional state. I know this probably makes me sound like an awful person but it was so upsetting to me that I was stuck there while some other mom having a "normal" pregnancy came into the hospital, had a baby, and then took their little happy family home all in the span of 3 or 4 days! It wasn't fair!!

*November 30th (28.4 weeks)- "So here's an update... I have no clue how long I'll be here but it'll be a little while. They won't even consider letting me go until I have no more numbness or anything. I'll be on lovenox for at least 6 months, my dr wants to take the baby at 36 weeks because he doesn't want me to go into labor on my own and bleed out. And I have no veins left at all. They need to draw blood for bloodwork and two nurses just tried with no luck. They are going to attempt a vein in my foot :( I think that's basically all for now. I'm stuck here for a little bit but they're taking good care of me. Also the heat in my hospital room is broken (only my room) so its 50 something degrees in here. Freezing! Maintenance is going to replace the thermostat so that should get better.

This was my Lovenox injection that I had to give my self in the stomach twice a day.
It burns like fire going in! I never did get used to that....

*December 1st (28.5 weeks)- "I am still here. No one has a clue how long and that is really frustrating but that's the way it is with blood clots and mine are large... The Vascular surgeon said it took a long time to build up and it'll take a long time to break down. At this point they are big enough that if I sit upright for a minute my arm turns colors again. Until that quits we are just stuck here. A high risk ob came by (I've seen 3 diff drs from the high risk group so far - basically whoever is on call that day). The one that came today though kind of annoyed me because he didn't even look at my chart before he came in. He had to ask which arm it was. Then he proceeded to tell me that he doesn't induce until at least 39 weeks unless there's a medical reason (WHAT!?!) and that he would rather me not have the iv in and just drink lots of fluids. The nurse quickly informed him that that isn't an option for me because I have severe hyperemesis. He also wanted to move me to the antenatal floor but then my regular OB came a little while after him and said absolutely not. He doesn't want me moved because I'll get more attentive care here. (I'm in a birthing room right now). Anyway, for a high risk dr he sure didn't act like he knew what he was doing. Maybe if he would've looked at my chart he would've known that I have far more issues than blood clots. Oh well, I'm not worried about it because he doesn't make the call, he can only make suggestions. My dr is taking good care of me. I hope I get out of here soon! My 25th birthday is the 17th of this month and I'd really like to spend it at home with my family. And then of course Christmas is right after that. :( there are so many unknowns right now it's frustrating..."

*December 2nd (28.6 weeks)- "I'm completely iv line free for the first time in 21 weeks and it feels so good! Praying that I can stay hydrated on my own so I don't start getting sick and having contractions again."

"On to some good news... I know it doesn't sound like much but I now am allowed to shower as long as I sit down and keep my arm up as much as possible. It will be so nice to wash my hair and I haven't had an actual shower in months because of my PICC and it's hard for me to stand up that long. I'll take whatever good I can get out of this experience. That's all for now."

*December 3rd (29 weeks)- "First of all, my shower was pure heaven! It was amazing. I'm still here at the hospital and still just waiting for my body to break up these clots. The baby is doing great and I am attempting to switch over to oral meds. The first day on oral meds was really tough but my body is starting to adjust to them. Maybe I can go home without tubes sticking out of me!! My iv had to be taken out because it had been in for 5 days and was getting sore but I begged them not to start a new one. I am sipping on sweet tea (the only thing I can drink) pretty continuously and hoping it will be enough. This is the first time in 21 whole weeks that I don't have one wire sticking out of me. Such freedom. We will see how long this lasts. It is still a possibility that I may be here until the baby is born. I'm trying to stay positive and my drs and nurses are all taking great care of me and the baby - that's all I can ask for.."

*December 4th (29.1 weeks) morning- "Waking up at least every 2 hours for medicine = good practice for when the baby gets here... I'm still having issues with my arm and am not going anywhere anytime soon. The vascular surgeon is coming sometime tomorrow to see me. Hoping for some answers... Prayers appreciated... I will also be getting a consult from a physical therapist and they are sending in an anesthesiologist to discuss pain management at birth. Things get really tricky when it comes to blood thinners and epidural/ spinal. If I'm not off of the thinners long enough before delivery there won't even be an option for me to have an epi and if I had to have a csection I would have to be put under general anesthesia. I'd rather have the baby with no pain meds (which I was hoping to do anyway) but they at least want to discuss it ahead of time and make me aware of my options."

*December 4th (around 9 o'clock PM)- "Really missing Aidan a lot tonight :("

*December 5th (29.2 weeks)- "I am still waiting on the vascular surgeon to come in and talk to me. He has been to my floor to talk to my nurse but is still trying to figure out what to do with me. It's so complicated because leaving the clot endangers me (and therefore also the baby), blasting the clot is a definite no no while pregnant because it will ruin the baby's placenta, and taking the baby out now would also be a risk (I'll be 30 weeks this Thursday). I guess they just need to see which is riskier. :( it seems like no matter what we do my baby is at risk but I'm glad at this point he has an awesome chance of being born with minimal issues especially if they give me steroid shots. It would most likely be a matter of holding body temperature, learning to eat, and gaining weight. I am so anxious for this dr to come in and I'm hoping I at least get some answers. Apparently all of the drs are so stumped that no one wants to be responsible for making the decision (this exact phrase was told to me this morning by my high risk OB). The vascular surgeon is an expert on clots and doesn't deal much with pregnancy and the OBs obviously deal with pregnancy but not clots! I just want to scream!!!"           

*December 6th (29.3 weeks)- "Time to face another day... Maybe we will get more answers... My dr came in and has ordered a consult with a hematologist today. He doesn't feel comfortable sending me home because he doesn't deal with blood clots and doesn't want the liability if something were to happen. I'm not sure what a hematologist will say but I guess we will see. I had a 30 minute ultrasound to check on baby boy and he looks great. He even started practicing breathing already which is great for 30 weeks."

(afternoon) "The final verdict is in - I'll be at the hospital until Colin is born... I'm going to have to get used to the idea but I know it's what is best for me and the baby. I sure am going to miss Alex and Aidan though. I'll see them of course but not daily. :("

*December 7th (29.4 weeks)-"I have moved into my new "home" that I will be staying in for the next several weeks....Thankful to at least have an answer..."

(evening)- "I was able to see Aidan today so that was really nice but then Alex came to see me after that and when he was getting ready to leave I just broke down in tears. It's still sinking in that I'm not going to be with my family every day and it's really hard :( I know it made him sad to see me cry (I am not an emotional person) but I just couldn't help myself. I feel so stuck like I'm in prison or something and it is so completely tough. I know it's for the best and I know it'll be worth it but gosh I didn't sign up for this. I know I'll get through this. One day at a time..."         

It always made me happy when my big boy would come and visit me and snuggle me on my bed :)

This sign was above my bed and on my hospital room door also. Because of my DVTs they
were not allowed to do anything to my right arm at all...

*December 10th (30 weeks)- "Just got moved to a new room that I will be staying in until the baby is born. It is huge and has a refrigerator too. It will definitely make being here for my birthday and Christmas more bearable. So thankful :)"

This is the hospital room that I spent most of my time in. I did bounce back and forth from this room to Labor and Delivery a few times but for the most part this was my "home sweet home"...

(evening)- "It's too hard to say goodbye to Alex every time he comes to see me :( I hope time passes quickly..."

*** I knew that I would be spending my birthday and Christmas in the hospital so my family and a few friends (you know who you are!) decorated my room for Christmas! It wasn't home but everyone did their best to make it festive...

*December 12th (30.2 weeks)- "Can't believe I've been in the hospital now for 2 weeks... Looking forward to my ultrasound to see my little man tomorrow :)"

*December 13th (30.3 weeks)- "Made it through another day. Ready for my ultrasound so I can see this little boy :)"

"Baby boy looks great and cooperated well during my ultrasound. He was practicing breathing like a good boy and he has a head full of hair :)"

*December 15th (30.5 weeks)- "What an exciting day so far... They did a ct scan with contrast this morning and found a pulmonary embolism in both of my lower lungs. Good news is that aside from some discomfort they are not large enough to be life threatening and I am already on the medication that they would use to treat it."

Around 3 in the morning on the 15th my nurse came in as usual to give me my nausea medication and I had some sharp chest pain that I had not been having before. I was too tired and too completely out of it to even say anything. I felt the same thing later that morning but still kept my mouth shut. Surely, something else couldn't be wrong! I was assuming that the discomfort I was having was just heart burn or some other obnoxious pregnancy thing that I had to deal with it. Finally around 10 o'clock that morning I mentioned to my nurse that I was having some pain. She immediately called my doctor and he sent me right away for a Spiral CT to look at my lungs. I didn't tell Alex or my mom that I was going to have the test until right before I went because I was embarrassed that they were probably over reacting to some heart burn. About 30 minutes after my CT scan my doctor walked back into my room with my nurse to tell me that I had Pulmonary Embolisms (blood clots) in both of my lower lungs. In hindsight I was glad that I said something about the pain and I decided that if anything else happened I wasn't going to keep it to myself. That really scared me! When my high risk OB heard about the PEs, he decided that it was a good idea to give me steroid shots to help develop Colin's lungs. I received one that same day, and the second one 24 hours later. It definitely provided me with some peace of mind. I felt like a ticking time bomb and it was comforting to me that Colin would have some help if he came way too soon...

*December 16th (30.6 weeks)- "Looking forward to having Alex all to myself overnight tonight. It's been almost 3 weeks since we slept in the same room together. Best birthday gift I could get :)"

(evening)- "So in light of all of the issues I've been having (picc lines, blood lots, preterm labor, pulmonary embolisms, and living at the hospital) I am really hoping for a good day tomorrow. I can hope, right!?! Tonight is starting out pretty good actually so just maybe! Alex just came up to the hospital and is going to spend the night here (I've been here almost 3 weeks I'm excited to be sleeping in the same room with him. Yay!) and he gave me my birthday present day early. Alex, his parents, and my brothers pitched in and got me an iPad 2!!! They're so awesome!!"   

This pictures were all taken on my 25th birthday. We made it to 31 weeks!

*December 18th (31.1 weeks)- "Missing family..."

** My family celebrated Christmas with our extended family on the 18th. They called me on Facetime and took the phone around so I could say "hi" to everyone there. I was able to watch Aidan and my sisters open presents and see everyone having such a great time. It's amazing what technology allows us to do! Seeing everyone spending time together made me feel completely homesick and sad. I was trying to put my happy face on for everyone else's benefit but it was killing me. The hospital is a lonely lonely place!

*December 20th (31.3 weeks)- "I am still alive, that is about all I can say about how I'm feeling right now... 31.5 weeks and going strong. Baby Colin is doing great and is growing like a champ. I haven't gained any weight since I've been here but not really losing either and in the last 3 weeks he has put on approximately 1 1/2 lbs! So maybe I am losing and he's gaining. Either way, I'm very happy that he's doing so well. We have almost made it to our first milestone of 32 weeks. Yay! So glad. My next goal is 34 weeks and of course the ultimate goal is 36-37 weeks. Some days I do ok emotionally and some days are filled with lots of tears but all that matters right now are that me and baby are where we need to be. I have a wonderful supportive family, husband, friends and all of my nurses have been awesome."


*December 22nd (31.5 weeks)- "The last couple of days have been rough. We tried to space out my nausea meds some the day before yesterday and I became very very sick. Back to my darkest days of HG :( It was awful! I am still trying to recover but am back on my schedule of receiving meds every two hours and doing better. My dr came to see me in the morning (my worst time was the night before last) and my nurses had already told him what a night I had. He walked in my room and was very sympathetic. He said he was not OK with the fact that I wasn't smiling so back on the crazy schedule I went. I couldn't ask for a more caring doctor. He has been absolutely amazing. Also, he gave me more activity privileges so I am able to walk around some as tolerated and even go outside on a patio that is on the floor I'm on. My mom came today with Aidan and I was able to go sit outside for a little bit. I haven't stepped foot outside in 3 1/2 weeks and it felt wonderful! I will definitely be taking advantage of those privileges as much as I can handle it. My room is all decorated for Christmas and all of my nurses love how festive it is. I'm almost 32 weeks which will be a huge milestone and I'm hoping to keep the baby in here for 4 more weeks. After he is born the vascular surgeon will reevaluate my clots and see if he needs to perform surgery to remove them. The clots in my lungs are small enough that they will eventually dissolve on their own. That's all the updates I have for now."


**The night we tried to decrease my medicine was worse than my words can even express. I laid in the fetal position the entire night with both hands pressed to my face and covering my eyes trying to stop the sensation of spinning. I was supposed to wear Sequential Compression Devices (SCDs) on my legs to prevent further clots (those are the things that go on your legs and blow up to keep the circulation going) and each time they would blow up I was on the cusp of vomiting. I had to literally rip them off and then go back to the fetal position again. Everytime one of the other hospital doors in the hallway would open or close just the sound of that would send my urge to vomit spiraling out of control. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't move, all I could do was lay there and pray that the night would end soon...

Santa came to my room to give Colin his first Christmas present :) He was actually there to pass the bears out to babies that were already born because I was on the postpartum floor but he gave me one for Colin anyways. It was really sweet :)

*December 24th (31.6 weeks)- "It doesn't feel like Christmas eve yet - Maybe it will when Alex comes to spend the night with me tonight! Can't wait... :)"

My room was FULL of presents. It was quite a sight! Alex had to borrow a cart from the nurses so he could get everything up to my room. I'm sure he probably got a lot of strange looks :)

*December 25th (32 weeks) Christmas morning- "Alex is walking in the hospital hallway in candy cane pajama pants because he went to get me some coffee... Hmmm... What else can I send him out for!?!...."

(afternoon)- "Couldn't be home for Christmas this year so my family brought Christmas to me :) turned out to be a pretty good day..."

It was crowded on Christmas morning but we made it work! I'm glad my hospital room was big...

Even though his 4th Christmas had to be celebrated in the hospital, I think he still had a good time...

*December 26th (32.1 weeks)- "Hard to believe I've been here for 4 weeks now... It's downhill from here though :-)"

*December 27th (32.2 weeks)- "Aidan wanted some ice so I took him out of my room and down the hall to the little kitchen and on the way there he said, "Mommy, it's like you're breaking out of jail or something"... Yep, it sure does feel that way..."

*December 29th (32.4 weeks)-  "I have an air mattress now and it readjusts every single time I move... Not sure how I feel about it just yet but we will see..."

*December 30th (32.5 weeks)- "Can't wait to see what new and interesting food they bring me for dinner... :-/"

(night time)- "I'm so completely homesick I can't stand it. I do ok some of the time but there are definitely times that I just can't hold it together at all. I know I've made it through 5 weeks here at the hospital and I'm getting in a routine but 4 more weeks is soooooo long.... I just talked to Aidan on the phone and he talked my ear off telling me all of the things he's been doing with daddy and all about his new toys he has and just anything else he thought of and I hate missing out on everything! I just started sobbing while talking to him and now I can't stop. Life is going on without me and my little boy is growing up. How am I going to get through this!? I am so completely homesick..."

*January 2nd (33.1 weeks)- "So I have once again been moved from my hospital room back to labor and delivery because my heart rate started going sky high. It was very sudden and I'm short of breath and it's been spiking up to 140. Baby looks good still and we don't know the reason. It may mean another clot went to my lungs but we aren't sure yet. I'm not sure what they are going to do about me... :("

(afternoon)- "My awesome nurse just stole my air bed from upstairs. So much better. Looks like I'll be staying in L & D for a while"

*January 3th (33.2 weeks)- "I'm hanging in there... They think the crazy heart rate may be related to more pulmonary embolisms but don't want to risk another CT scan while I'm pregnant. My treatment plan wouldn't change at all anyway since I am already on blood thinners. It is a little better right now thankfully. I'm hoping for some answers and a plan of action soon. This is beyond frustrating. Also, my dr stopped my Procardia that I was taking for contractions and my contractions are now much more intense. I guess we will just keep an eye on that too..."

*January 4th (33.3 weeks)- "I'm back in my regular room! Yay! My hr is better and without the procardia there has definitely been an increase in contractions so we will see what happens. I'm so happy to be back in "my" room with all of my stuff... I never thought I could be so attached to a hospital room but maybe it's because that is the only stable thing I have right now."

 *January 6th (33.5 weeks)- "Back in labor & delivery. This baby sure does like to keep me on my toes..."

This time when I was sent to L & D it was because my contractions were so intense and so frequent that my nurses thought it would be best to be monitored more. Although the contractions were hard enough to cause me to shake and have hot and cold flashes (If you've had a baby you know what I'm talking about!!) they were not causing me to progress at all. At this point I was switched from my daily injections of Lovenox to daily injections of Heparin. Heparin is the safer option with impending labor...

*January 7th (33.6 weeks)- "Once again back in room 304. Home sweet home... Still contracting constantly and getting more and more uncomfortable. I'm going to have Alex bring my giant exercise ball here so I can have somewhere to sit other than my bed or the uncomfortable couch. I'm getting ready to serve this baby an eviction notice..."

January 7th - This was taken in my Labor & Delivery room. At this point they automatically let me take "my" bed with me :)

*January 8th (34 weeks)- I didn't write anything down January 8th but I remember very well what went on (at least I remember what happened that night anyway). I was in my room on the postpartum floor that had become my "home" most of the time that I spent in the hospital. I have no idea what happened that morning or during the day but I know that I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. My contractions were getting harder and harder and were coming every few minutes. I was also having a really sharp pain near the left side of my csection scar from Aidan and it was about a 7 out of 10 on the pain scale. I was already at a very low point and didn't know how I was going go on like this for long. There was no way I could survive 2-3 more weeks of this (or more!). January 8th was a Sunday night and was the first time in almost a week that my mom or Alex didn't come to spend the night at the hospital with me. Most of my time in the hospital no one stayed anyway but because of all of the scares with my elevate heart rate and contractions, it felt better having someone with me. This particular day we all decided I would be fine there on my own. When my nurse came in to take my vital signs (must've been around 8 PM) I had a really hard/long contraction that started while she was taking my blood pressure. I told her when it started to let up (you could actually SEE my stomach harden and I had to breathe through it) and not 20 seconds later another contraction hit me. The first one hadn't even gone away completely. She came over to listen to Colin's heart rate because they always did that when they took my vitals and as soon as she put the monitor on my stomach I heard a very slow beat. It was only 78 bpm on the monitor and MY HEART STOPPED. When my super contraction eased up his heart rate went back up. I kept asking the nurse if he was ok and was in a complete panic. She was focused on what she was doing and told me she wasn't sure if that was him or not - but I knew it was.

One reason this scared me so much is because this is the EXACT reason I had an emergency csection with Aidan. I could tell the nurse was concerned but she was staying calm and focused because I know she didn't want me to be even more scared and she just needed to do her job. She kept the monitors hooked up and went to call my doctor to see what he would say. I called Alex in tears and begged him to either come to the hospital or have my mom come because I was afraid that Colin would be born that night....

My mom showed up about 40 minutes later and by then his heart rate had leveled back out. They decided to send me to see the high risk group the next day rather than on Tuesday (I had an ultrasound every Tuesday that I was there). I was numb to everything that night. I was unable to eat anything that entire day and Colin's deceling heart rate made it that much harder. I was just sick and worried that the baby I had gone through so much for wasn't going to make it at the very last minute.

*January 9th (34.1 weeks)- It was Monday morning and my doctor came in to see me first thing. He told me that if ANYTHING happened at all (with me or the baby), then I would be sent to the labor & delivery floor and would remain there for the rest of my pregnancy. I DID NOT WANT THAT!! That would mean leaving my nurses that I had become comfortable with and leaving MY room. I knew that it was just a matter of time though because the way things had been going, surely SOMETHING was going to happen. My doctor said to me that if his dog so much as barked funny I would be transferred to L & D. He meant business! I went around 9 am to the high risk group on the 13th floor of the hospital and had my weekly bio physical profile on baby Colin. He looked good but his growth rate had dropped off quite a bit. According to the measurments he had only grown 4 ounces in 3 weeks. Just another thing to worry about! The high risk OB that I saw that day said he still wouldn't agree to induce me yet but that it was likely "just a matter of time" before I was in labor on my own. I couldn't believe it! It's not like I wanted my baby to be born with the possibility to have problems but I was at a place at that moment that I was just so overwhelmed with pain and fear and frustration. I hadn't been able to eat anything in about 3 days and the sharp pain that I was having was so intense that it began to make me throw up. I was a crying, frustrated, throwing up disaster. I know that my doctor felt bad for me but his hands were tied because he couldn't make any decisions without my high risk OBs consent. He came back later that same afternoon and gave me Morphine to take the edge off the pain I was having. I didn't want it and I was afraid it would make me sicker but I finally gave in and thankfully I didn't have any adverse effects to it. I finally slept a little bit for the first time in 4 nights...

*January 10th (34.2 weeks)- Tuesday morning.... My mom was still staying over night with me at the hospital because Alex needed to be able to go to work during the week. I still wasn't able to eat anything and my contractions continued to be really strong and frequent. Every single morning while I was in the hospital I had a NST (non-stress test) which monitored my contractions as well as Colin's heart rate to see how he responded to them. Once again, Colin's heart rate started to decelerate during some of my contractions. My nurse chose not to give me my Heparin that morning and called my doctor immediately. He had me sent to labor & delivery (of course) and was waiting for us when we got down there. Within a couple of hours I was finally in active labor and the next morning our beautiful baby boy was born and was healthy as can be.

I must've been mid-contraction here... Alex sure looks nice and comfortable though... :)

My beautiful little miracle baby - Colin Patrick
Born on 1/11/12 at 4:50 am.
4.12 lbs, 17.5 inches long...

My first time holding Colin in the NICU. No more nausea!! Can you tell I'm happy!?

In the delivery room - Colin's very first picture

This is the end of my "pregnant" HG story but my journey is far from over. I am still on blood thinners, I am extremely weak and doing "normal" activities exhausts me, my joints hurt constantly from being malnourished and bed ridden so long, I have nightmares almost every night about my experience, and I also have been having anxiety when I think about anything pregnancy related or see/hear something that reminds me of my own pregnancy. I am so grateful that I survived my pregnancy and even more grateful that I now have a healthy adorable little boy to show for it. I would do absolutely anything for my Colin...

If you are reading this page and you are in the midst of your own HG journey, please know that you are NOT alone, you are not crazy, and it is extremely important that you find a doctor who will provide adequate care. I hope that by writing my own story I can help someone in some way that is going through this disease or knows someone who is going through it. Just remember, if you are suffering right now, this will end. I know it is hard to imagine but it will go away. I was sick for 217 days and I forgot what it was like to not feel nauseated. I still occasionally get some lingering nausea (4 months postpartum) but nothing like I had when I was still pregnant. My only advice is not to look ahead. Don't look at how far you have to go, focus on how far you have already come. Just take it one second at a time...


** If you have made it this far I'd like to just say thank you for reading my story! I also want to share that we had another HUGE surprise in store for us when Colin was just 9 months old. HG came back to get me yet again and was as bad as ever. You can read that story HERE. You just never know what curve balls life is going to throw you I suppose!